The Automatic Identity
Learning to Drive Manual
The entire past year, I’ve been asking: What does the market want? Which of my skills are needed? Which conditions have changed?
I was trying to match myself with my own superficial assessment of the market, instead of asking:
Which skill do I want to keep developing so it becomes valuable for others?
That shift, from reactive to intentional, only came after I recognized something fundamental about how identity works.
This article explores the pillars of Fearlessness, Adventure, and Purpose. What follows is an invitation for you to make your own conclusions and own your reflections. Take what resonates, question what doesn’t, and find your own path forward.
How do identity and identification work?
When we identify with something, it stops being a perception you’re experiencing and becomes part of who you think you are:
“There are no jobs in the market.” → “I am unemployable.”
“My strategy always works.” → “I know more.”
“The market is uncertain.” → “I don’t fit in this market.”
This matters because identities dictate behavior.
They determine what you think you’re capable of, what you allow yourself to do, and what feels possible or impossible.
If you believe you are unemployable, you might avoid looking for jobs altogether.
The dangerous part? Identifications happen automatically. You absorb them from your environment, your last conversation, your recent outcomes.
As soon as our identifications receive validation, we start defending them fiercely, because we’ve confused them with who we are. We don’t realize we’ve identified with a belief.
The Mechanics: The Self-Fulfilling Loop
Here’s the pattern:
You identify with something.
That creates a narrative about who you are.
The narrative conditions your thoughts and behaviors.
Those behaviors create outcomes.
The outcomes reinforce the identification.
Example:
I identify as “someone who doesn’t fit available opportunities.” I keep overthinking to find what to do. I construct a story about my past experiences, my limitations, my decisions, and how I got here. I start concluding that I will never get the position I want, so I begin trying disconnected tactics. The outcomes are not what I want, and I confirm—again—that I do not fit in.
You think you’re responding to reality. You don’t realize you’re responding to an identity you unconsciously adopted. In the meantime, you can’t be fully conscious of other opportunities.
We Shift Identities Constantly (Without Noticing)
Same day, same person:
Morning: Read the news → identify with the world’s problems → feel depressed, heavy
Evening: Celebration with friends → identify with joy and connection → feel alive, optimistic
The suffering doesn’t come only from circumstances. Circumstances may bring pain, but prolonged suffering often comes from the tension between the identity you’re holding and what reality is showing you.
When Identity Becomes Destructive
Some examples from my own experience:
Identifying with market conditions:
I couldn’t see my actual skills and achievements anymore.
I could only see the gap between what I had and what seemed demanded.
I steered away from any confident, constructive narrative.
I started believing the story that I was “behind” or “too late.”
Identifying with scarcity:
I felt caught between not wanting to “beg, push, or annoy.”
At the same time, I recognized that waiting passively doesn’t work.
Both paralysis and feeling stuck came from the same source.
Identifying with past success:
A business tactic that worked brilliantly became irrelevant.
When conditions changed, and it stopped working, I couldn’t see beyond that tactic.
I didn’t know I had that pattern—it had become “just who I am.”
The hidden danger: Success makes identification invisible. You don’t question the pattern because questioning it feels like questioning yourself.
Most of us have experienced an older family member who achieved success, advising us to do things “the proven way”—and we can clearly see that it doesn’t work anymore.
When Identity Becomes Constructive
Identification isn’t the problem. Unconscious identification is.
When you become aware that you’re identifying with something, you can ask:
Is this identity serving me right now?
Is it opening doors or closing them?
Is it constructive or destructive?
The difference:
Unconscious: “I am a maker” (rigid). You ask what the best practices are, and follow what everyone else who identifies the same way is doing. Standardization follows.
Conscious: “I’m choosing to identify as a maker—what will I do differently?” (flexible, adaptable)
You’re not pretending. You’re choosing which true aspects of yourself to foreground based on what’s constructive. You remain realistic because your adaptation is oriented toward outcomes.
The Outcome Trap
We also identify with outcomes, turning temporary results into permanent truths.
We try a few times, it doesn’t work, and we feel disappointed, not only because of the outcome, but because we identified with the idea of success.
Instead, we could identify with progress through iteration and pivoting.
The triple suffering:
We suffer from the actual outcome (rejection, loss).
We suffer again from what it means for our identity.
We suffer once more because we don’t know how to proceed.
Someone who doesn’t identify with outcomes sees the same rejection and thinks:
“That didn’t work. What else could I try?”
The Bigger Picture: Systems That Demand Conformity
Job markets, social media, dating apps, training programs—they all reward standardized identities:
Dating apps: Certain traits get rewarded, others disappear. People adapt fast, and competition intensifies for everyone.
Social media: Free functionality hooks us in, value extraction begins, and the platform wins.
Job markets: We check boxes to be considered, get the job, become standardized, and eventually interchangeable.
The pattern: Systems want you legible and standardized because it makes value extraction efficient.
When you conform, you belong. You fit.
But you also become replaceable.
The confusion: We mistake the instinct to belong for actual value.
Social acceptance ≠ unique value.
That’s why some people manage to do something genuinely unique, skip the filters, and receive opportunities directly.
If this article is helping you see something new about your own identifications, consider liking, commenting, or sharing it. Your support helps Growing Fearless is an Adventure reach people who might need this perspective.
What Nobody Talks About
Being unique can be valuable. But it requires tolerating:
Not fitting the boxes.
Not having easy answers to “what do you do?”
Not being immediately legible to systems demanding conformity.
The Questions That Actually Matter
Stop asking:
What does the market want?
Which boxes should I fit?
What identity should I perform to be accepted?
Start asking:
What am I identifying with right now? (Become conscious of identity.)
Is this identity constructive or destructive? (Observe its effects.)
What would change if I held it more lightly? (Relax the identification.)
Which skills do I want to develop so they become valuable? (In time, mastery wins.)
Think of the good restaurants that don’t need much advertising, the professionals recognized as masters, the gardeners who grow the best vegetables. They excel at something deeply specific to themselves.
The Core Insight
Identities are replaceable, like clothing.
Suffering comes from rigid identification.
Freedom comes from seeing that you can adapt your identity, let go of identifications, and keep the core of yourself—your values, awareness, and integrity—respected and intact.
Being yourself is a process of identification, dis-identification, and adaptation.
That process takes time. It doesn’t produce miracles overnight. If you need to implement changes fast, you take the routes that work now. If I need money now, I can sign up for a basic job that anyone can do.
And from there, we keep consciously choosing who I am becoming.
Love,
Jose
The most successful post from my other publication focused on Knowledge Workers looking for new tech skills:
Oh yes! I change my identity several times a day