Compassion for Our Fears

Can this be the first step towards real fearlessness?

“We think that, to be happier, we should push away or ignore our fear. We don’t feel at ease when we think of the things that scare us, so we deny our fear away.” (*)

From the moment we are born, reality bursts into our senses — light, noise, temperature, and the first breath. The separation from our mother introduces us to a new way of being: vulnerable and needy.

Even when we feel at peace, the presence of fear still lurks within us:

“We fear that this moment will end, that we won’t get what we need, that we will lose what we love, or that we will not be safe.” (*)

As time passes, we begin to identify with what we like and dislike. We build a personality — and often, a false sense of who we are. We distrust change and, therefore, try not to change much. We resist and fight against a Universe that seems to have a different idea of where we’re going.

“We try to hold tight to the things we care about—our positions, our property, our loved ones. But holding tightly doesn’t ease our fear.” (*)

We grow up validating the idea of a better future — that our effort will eventually give us what we need to be happy. We see our pets content with so little, yet we ignore the clues they offer. We keep cultivating endless possibilities, believing happiness will arrive as a reward for our efforts. We forget that happiness already lives within us, unconditionally.

“We all experience fear, but if we can look deeply into our fear, we will be able to free ourselves from its grip and touch joy. Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay.” (*)

As we accumulate experiences, certain events and circumstances make us feel bad. Our instincts and our mind work hard to prevent such discomfort, and we end up believing that external conditions are the cause of our dissatisfaction. We overlook that our resistance to what happens also plays a part. Old protective patterns awaken whenever something feels threatening, and we forget to ask whether those inner alarms still serve a valuable purpose.

“Is our fear coming from something that is happening right now, or is it an old fear, a fear from when we were small, that we’ve kept inside?” (*)

And then, when we pause, when we take a walk in nature, visit friends, or stop to admire wildflowers, our mind slows down. In that pause, even for a second, fear dissolves, and we experience the quiet joy of awe.

“Fearlessness is not only possible, it is the ultimate joy. When you touch nonfear, you are free.” (*)

We know how it feels. We know it’s within us. Yet we keep searching for it elsewhere, as if happiness were a formula to be found — when, in truth, we are it.

“When we grow up, our original fear and original desire are still there. Although we are no longer babies, we still fear that we cannot survive, that no one will take care of us. Every desire we will have in our lives has its root in this original, fundamental desire to survive.” (*)

Our fears and the imperfections we perceive in ourselves are born from our beginnings. We can pause and feel compassion for that early misunderstanding. By bringing the light of our attention to every resistance, every insecurity, every fear, we can finally decide:

Do we want to keep living afraid — or free?

Love,

Jose.

---

(*) All the quotes above are from: Fear, A Powerful Guide to Overcoming Uncertainties and Personal Terrors, and Finding Peace and Freedom from Anxiety, by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh

---