Fixed or Flexible Identity?

The Key to Embracing Fearlessness and Creativity

When we talk about identity, we usually focus on our character and overlook the context. However, I believe that understanding our identity within the context of our environment and relationships can help us make better decisions—with less fear and more confidence.

Let’s imagine a hypothetical scenario: you live on a planet completely alone. How would you define yourself? You’d have no name, no one to call you, no need to speak, and likely no complicated goals. In that situation, identity would lose its usual importance. Do you agree?

“A person is a person through other persons.”
— Desmond Tutu

We learn who we are through experience: by listening to others, noticing what we like or dislike, and interpreting what life presents to us. Our identity is deeply shaped by the stories we've heard, our reactions, education, opinions, and even the geography we inhabit. It’s not fixed—it’s relational.

“The universe is made of stories, not of atoms.”
— Muriel Rukeyser

That’s why we seek approval, long for acceptance, and desire to belong. And perhaps this is also why we feel anxious about the future—why we work hard to succeed. Maybe we’re trying to smooth the edges of our identity, to become more acceptable, more worthy in the eyes of others.

“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be. Belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
— Brené Brown

Is it possible we carry a belief that being accepted guarantees success?

And yet, we are more than our identity. We can shift the narrative. We can adopt new skills, expand what it means to be who we are, and remember that the story is still being written—consciously, and without fear.

It isn’t that difficult to imagine that the world we live in is some kind of mirror. Everything we see and experience says something about who we are:

• I like nature.

• I don’t like cities.

• I’m tall.

• I’m middle class.

• I’m bad at public speaking.

• I’m great at strategizing.

And so on.

So, how does knowing that my identity is defined by the mirror effect of my experiences affect my decision-making? Boom! That tells me our identity changes—it’s not fixed. It’s part of my story, but it’s not the entire me:

• I am not my failures.

• I’m not my lack.

• I’m not my successes.

— They are experiences that happened to me, the same way that a rainfall happened to me, and I add them to my story. This is a critical distinction: the story, my identity, is a description of what happened, not of who I am.

What matters is the meaning they hold for me. That meaning is another layer of that identity.

And that brings me to another essential concept: meaning.

How do we create meaning?
Is the meaning of our life shaped by the opinions and expectations of others?
Can we change the meaning of our experiences?

“The meaning of life is not something you find, but something you create.”
— Anonymous

These questions matter—because meaning is the thread that ties our identity to our actions. If we’re not aware of how meaning is formed, we may end up living stories that aren’t truly ours. But if we become conscious of it, we can reinterpret our past, choose new perspectives, and live more intentionally.

I believe our well-being depends on our ability to balance three elements: the storyline of our context, our internal narrative, and the meaning we assign to both.

Confidence grows when we realize that we are not the story of ourselves. The story is just a description—identity is made of that description, the meaning we attach to it, and the persona we project to others.

But once we realize we are not the description, we gain freedom. We can change it, play with it, and add more meaning—consciously and creatively.

“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.”
— Rumi

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I’m so tired about the violence we see in the world. I wish to do something to generate a sense of peace. And this is what I came up with:

Join us:

How to participate?

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I wish you a lovely weekend.

Love,

Jose