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Daria Cupareanu's avatar

Right there with you. That part about generosity coming at your own expense, I’ve lived that too. I used to believe that doing meaningful work (that also bring me joy adn helps me make an impact) would naturally attract money, but it wasn't. So I needed to change the way I view things.

Thank you for sharing this so honestly.

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

Thank you Daria.

How is it going now? Did you manage to integrate both aspects with good results?

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Daria Cupareanu's avatar

Way better than in the past. The biggest change is definitely the mindset and how you look at it. It’s still a work in progress, ofc, because old patterns sometimes resurface

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

Maybe we could write an article together

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Dianna Sandora's avatar

Wow, the post I wrote today was similar but my belief growing up was filtered by the things I saw my mom do. She was the most selfless person I knew. It wasn’t until she passed and I read her journals that I saw the true pain she was in. She gave so much but was given so little. Reading them was the first step to realizing I wanted more. After that I started leaning into who I deserved to be but I often fall back into those habits I inherited from her. Now almost 30 years later I’m trying to embrace the truth that it’s okay to want to be happy.

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

It is amazing how our parents influence our personalities so much, no matter their intentions.

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Dianna Sandora's avatar

Very true.

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Fang Wei's avatar

Spiritual and material co-exist. We are spirit having human experiences. The body needs to eat, sleep, work. We exeprience the world through the body. Money brings food on the table, sheltor over the head.

I think "do good" mentality is a way to avoid facing reality. I taught chairty yoga to financially disadvanged groups for a few years. It's fun as a side-project but when i wanted to start a charity organization, I had to think differently and take real responsibilities.

There is no escape. I followed a Tibetan Bhuddist master for a couple of years. He said to give up sex is easy but as a monk, you still have to eat. He had monks to feed. And he hated the hypocrisy but that's part of the job. That's the practice- how to stay whole while stay true.

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

That’s exactly the point.

It is amazing to see how our mind manages to confuse us.

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Jane Xu, PhD, MPH, MS's avatar

Very good analysis. Thanks, Fang, for sharing.

However, when the "do good mentality" is out of genuine motivations like Jose demonstrates (and not just self-comforting), but finds itself misaligning with the reality, I think at least part of the problem could be the "reality" instead of the "mentality".

Today's reality is not keen on supporting those "genuine motivations", that is true. But there is hope that it would not remain true, if those motivations persist on to impact today's world into supporting "staying whole" (e.g., with deserving financial rewards; or as in the Well-being Society: janexu.substack.com)

Then, hopefully, "stay whole while stay true" would align better.

It looks like many of us, Jose, you, myself, and many others on Substack, are here to try and impact the world toward that direction one way or another, one little effort at a time.

The "reality" we are facing now is, how to support such collective and individual effort, and the individuals themselves, in today's reality, before it advances into the above hopeful new reality.

That's the challenge, but hopefully not one that holds us back, as we are persisting on....

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Sae Abiola's avatar

This touched something deep in me. Thank you for putting into words what so many of us feel but rarely articulate. The tension between doing meaningful work and still feeling financially unstable is real and often isolating. I deeply relate to the belief that “doing good” would eventually align with stability, only to find out that impact alone doesn’t always pay the bills.

Your story reminds me that we’re not alone in these internal battles especially those of us who chose an unconventional path. Naming the fear, tracing where it came from, and choosing to honor our own way of being... that’s powerful healing work.

Grateful you shared this. You’ve given language to something I’ve carried quietly for years. 🙏🏾

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

We should find ways to collectively support each other financially using this platform. Maybe we should organize a few calls

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Sae Abiola's avatar

I love the heart behind this idea. Collective support is powerful, especially in spaces like this. I may not be in a financial place right now, but I’m open to being part of the conversation and showing support in the ways I can.

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

Let’s see what forms

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Sae Abiola's avatar

👍👍👍

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Sae Abiola's avatar

👍👍👍

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Sae.

We all have so much in common.

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Philipp's avatar

Excellent article.

"Integration is what adults do" resonates a lot with me.

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Jose Antonio Morales's avatar

Thanks Philipp!

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